she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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