I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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