I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
