Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
