I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
