U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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