So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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