i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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