Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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