It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
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