how can u be prego again
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
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