careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
You ruined the universe
Randomize
