on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
