I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
