you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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