I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
