If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Randomize
