I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
