God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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