Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
