allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
