So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
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