We won't sleep together?
she was so not down for the gang bang
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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