He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
