can we get nightvision for the apartment?
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
