My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
