True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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