Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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