he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
