I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
