I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
