I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
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