Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
