question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
