you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
