this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Randomize
