Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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