i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
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