Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
