the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
