Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
