I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Another day, another engagement, another cat
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
