you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
