the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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