Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
