this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
