A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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