i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Randomize
