allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
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