what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
