Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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