we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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