i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
