Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
