So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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