Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
