Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
