Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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