I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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