I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
